63 years old and depressed

by Don
(South Florida)

I've always been asocial and subject to mood swings. When I was in college I had my first long-lasting period of negativity that took over a year to recover from. It was one of the worst times in my life in that I'd gone from a creative and productive lifestyle into a reclusive one filled with self loathing and a sense of inadequacy. I inherited from my parents a supercilious and egotistical nature made worse by a sense of snobbery. But I was always aware of the foolishness and error of my way of thinking. I just have never gotten along with others all of my life, partly due to my overly sensitive and artistic nature which has always been made even worse by my natural but hurtful failures and overly self critical mind.
Now I'm 63, and have been through 2 painful divorces and am left living alone in Florida with no sense of hopefulness or happiness at all. I'm not suicidal since I'm relatively healthy and can survive on the little I've inherited, but since my Dad died (2001) and I lost my business (2004) in which I designed custom furniture, I haven't been myself and will never regain that optimism I normally had. I don't even enjoy playing my electric keyboards anymore and have had no desire to write and record original music for 3 or 4 years.
I find myself up to my old tricks of destroying any relationship I have and despising people in general so now I'm left with only 2 or 3 friends who live 1000 miles away (up north) and my brother who has had 2 lung transplants and who doesn't want me to live with him and his wife since I probably would make his life even more difficult. Besides that, he's as supercilious as I am, although he suffers no depression and seems to be quite happy with his wife in the suburbs of New York.
That's not to say that I don't every now and then swing back into feeling nice, especially since the weather is so lovely here, but I never find anyone who's company I enjoy and I don't enjoy exercise or travel anymore. My days and nights are only filled with reading, researching banal matters on the internet, and watching satellite T.V., all of which don't offer me much more than just the passage of time.
Since I've always been self-absorbed and reclusive, it's not a prison sentence and I actually feel more fortunate than most others in that I'm virtually free of the worries I once had. But nothing new ever seems to happen, and as I get older I feel a little less able to cope every day. I pray reincarnation is a myth so I don't have to relive the inevitable end as well as the intermediate pains of life.
I once was on anti-depressants but they never worked for me and they seemed to make things slightly worse in the end. I don't trust or like seeing doctors or psychiatrists and don't want to become dependent on medicines to correct things, and I have little faith in them, to boot.
Not only that, but since I only go out to eat and buy necessities I rarely meet anybody new and I don't enjoy social gatherings and have always detested parties. I'm virtually dependent upon happenstance to bring any change in my life and am incapable of creating anything new at all in my life. Although I'm able to deal with all this, I feel there's very little left other than decreasing health and deterioration of my attractiveness to women. Not only that but I only enjoy the company of women that are at least 20 years younger than I am unless their beauty is way out of my league.
Naturally, I know I should force myself to socialize and exercise and think more positively, but I'm so self absorbed and negative in my outlook it just isn't in the cards for me to maintain any new friendships I find myself occasionally acquiring. I'm far too critical both of others and of myself for any change in the way I've always been. My mother was the same way and although she was extremely intelligent, her asocial personality never brought her any genuine happiness. The thought of living out 20 more years of this, only to lose the few relations I still have seems horrible, but I would never hurt myself. I want to help myself, not make things even worse.
But life holds no new surprises for me, especially since I've failed at every single relationship I've ever had and I don't really believe I should depend on that to bring me fulfillment or joy. I feel people, myself included, are for the most part selfish and uninteresting, particularly since my tastes are esoteric and unusual. I feel my depression is actually quite commonplace, but that doesn't mitigate the pain. Even when I understand the errors of my thinking, I'm incapable of altering my mindset. I realize that even had I been famous and popular, I still would be this way, even worse since I would be open to public criticism and personal attacks, so I have no regrets that I was never a commercial success.
When I was writing and recording original music or creating custom furniture and artwork for my customers, I was happily content, merely for the sense of self satisfaction. I enjoyed listening to my CD's of my music for years, just for personal enjoyment and don't care much if others enjoy them the same as I do. In fact I dislike the ego rush I feel when someone compliments me, since I know it's artificial and unproductive. So what it boils down to is I'm stuck in a rut and every path I pursue leads to the some dead end. It's a pity since when I was younger I was filled with optimism and joy from learning anything new. I find myself reading the tail end of most biographies to see how others lived out their last years, and I'm actually pleased when I see the failures and declines of famous successful people, just to know I'm not alone in my depressive and miserable state. I don't know how to jump into a new life and in all honesty, I don't feel there's very much enjoyment left for me in my remaining years, even if I'm not a drunk or a libertine.
However in the back of my mind I find a faint sense of hopefulness that I'll meet someone whose company I can enjoy and can afford me some sense of companionship or even better, love. But then I look back at how my self-destructive nature has a way of always collapsing anything I develop and try to nurture due to my unpleasant and overly critical demeanor. If all this sounds awful, you've grasped the situation entirely. But such is life, and to expect an unreal purely positive condition is misleading and foolish. dddifferentdifferentdifferentdifferent.differentis misnButag somewhere in my future, although I know everyone's life ends in nothing more than death and decline and that's a miserable prospect, indeed.

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Oct 15, 2017
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Lonely in PA NEW
by: Anonymous

I've read all your stories and can relate. I just turned 60 this year and feel like what's the use. I lost my job this year and now starting over again at a new job at age 60. I had a great marriage, beautiful family and home and now it's all gone. My ex-husband left me after 8 years of marriage and went on to get married and have 2 other kids. Now I'm here alone and don't have anyone to grow old with. It doesn't seem fair and just feel sad. I'm in debt and should be getting ready to retire yet have no one to share the burden with. My 3 grown children have their own lives and I just feel like I'm all alone just going through the motions of living. I try to keep positive yet it's hard. I hope God hears me.

Sep 14, 2017
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Where have all the flowers gone - Part 2 NEW
by: w~

I wrote before on this thread of comments and just found the notice in my email there were new comments. Not realizing I would get notified this has been a welcome surprise as the topic is so relevant to me.

'Everyone is different' is an understatement yet most people don't really understand how different people really are. In the worse conditions some people rise and others fall down...that is quite a difference.

The truth is (if there is such a thing as truth) you can do something about your situation but you will have to come out of your comfort zone and you will have to risk and you might fail.

At this point it's either you risk or continue living your life the way it is, unsatisfied and depressed.

Challenge yourself with something, anything and see if you can get some traction.


Sep 14, 2017
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Sleeping NEW
by: Anonymous

60 a beautiful woman inside and out...
but never wanted from birth..
I made a good life for my 3 children and I.
But then came corp. downsizing...I lost everything...and now feel as if I live my life in a dark pit.. just waiting for death..
if not for an ex all my utilities would have long ago ceased to exist...I no not where to go from here..I've taken to just sleeping my days away.. .

Sep 13, 2017
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Alright Already NEW
by: Anonymous

Get over it Donnie boy! Enough already OK!6

Sep 13, 2017
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Niñito muy malo NEW
by: DÑ.

C'mon Don (if real name) please get help.! Like right now.

Aug 21, 2017
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Feel much better NEW
by: Alice Jitter-Feet

Thanks. I was feeling very depressed and hopeless until I read your story. It made me laugh because your self assessment is so honest and rather witty. I am 67 and a total failure. I wasted my talents and wvery chance I had for success. I was a neglectful selfish parent and my kids don't like me. I left 2 good marriages and ended up with a bigger loser than myself. After reading your story I realise I am a fool to regret anything and I have been boiling in a cauldron on regret for years. Fact is compared to a lot of people who worked harder,tried harder and were loyal loving partners I am pretty happy. So on the

Aug 20, 2017
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dreams NEW
by: lanny

Dear Tanya

Happy birthday for yesterday.

Sounds as though youve had difficult tomes and my heart goes out to you.

Hope you follow your dream


Aug 20, 2017
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Turned 67 yesterday NEW
by: Tanya

I've read everyone's comments and I feel like I know you personally! I turned 67 years young yesterday...I say young because I mostly live in the past in my mind..that's where I want to be..back in 1968 when I graduated High School in Berkeley, California. I am divorced, living alone in a motel in Carson City, Nevada for the past 8 years...same room! It's what I can afford but I really really really want to leave and move back to the Bay Area - to San Francisco...yeah, yeah, yeah...it's totally expensive but you know what? I don't care if I end up homeless which most likely will happen. I will live in my car for awhile, occasionally staying in a motel here and there with my Social Security money. I just want to be in San Francisco because I grew up in Berkeley and spent a lot of time in SF - my first job there and so forth - lots of memories, wow! So that's what I'm planning...we'll see. My son, my only child, is 47 and lives here in Carson in an apartment with his moderately autistic 11 year old son who really is a sweetheart but is on SSI because of his autism. He is smart in many ways but very immature and will need to be looked after his whole life I believe. I have done what I can to help out but it is never enough and it is time to help myself because yes of course I am fucking depressed. I need to find the strength to take the chance to do what I truly want to do. I need support and not many are willing to do that - they are afraid for me but I tell them what the hell do I have to lose? It's not like I would be penniless when I am homeless - I have my little car and my Social Security and my sweet child like ideas - I want to go out with a bang - I want to go to the ocean, go on a roller coaster and scream like the dickens!I want to find me a nice decent guy who will help me to laugh...that's what makes me want to keep living...

Aug 17, 2017
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similar similar feelings NEW
by: lanny

Im 62 and on my own and always seem to be on my own. I was a very attractive woman and suppose still slim but look my age. I am I think kind and caring but seem to have been overlooked all my life partly because I do not scream or shout enough or maybe its just false pride although that keeps me going.
Yes I have friends people I really like and care about but they have their own lives. I used to talk to people years ago and watched their eyes glaze over and did not feel any better for doimg it.
I live in London England. Do a professional job at which I am pretty awful. Ridiculous I have been doing it for 30 years but need the money and itvis not particularly well paid. I gave up my permanent job last december and travelled in Asia for 4 months. I have travelled much over the last 30 years and psrt of the reason I stayed in my last job for so long was that until about 5 years ago I could take a couple of months unpaid leave.
I have academic interests linked to travel and Asia and completed a Masters degree 10 years ago part time. All sounds great on paper but I am morbidly sensitive and although not so cripplingly shy as I was years ago its still there and makes me awkward when I do not mean to be

I suppose I have covered up my shyness by not wanting to bother so much with small talk.

I am deeply critical of others if I feel they are neglectful and friends who are probably just caught up in their own lives.
I have siblings and a good relationship with my niece but of course I am peripheral to her life.
She has children and is about to move away from London.
I feel I am in a glass cage
Nothing seems to change for me over the decades. I have tried so hard.
I have wanted to leave this planet for so long. I dont want to hurt others although I am distant enough for it not to be too painful
I am getting to the stage where I am not sure I can function.
I feel bad about feeling depressed. I have been to the doctor once or so about it but could not cope with CBT. Too impatient.
I tried meditation for years but never got to grips with it.
I feel consumed by loneliness and have run out of hope.

Aug 12, 2017
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Where have all the flowers gone.. NEW
by: Anonymous

I can relate to Don's story in more ways than one at 64 years of age. My last relationship ended 2 years ago leaving me dead emotionally. The person that came in to my life brought so much, family, community and love. What more could you ask for, but I somehow managed to ruin things for both of us. Now she is gone and married. I regret what happened in that relationship, it was a real chance for a fulfilling life.

I doubt anything will come along again like that, as it took almost a whole lifetime to get to me.

Feel like what's the point, I've wasted my life...living on the edge, never taking the plunge, never getting wet.

You must admit, life is a miracle and somehow it's important to do something about it and not simply lay down and allow shovel fulls of dirt thrown on top. Maybe Don has already done that, the first response to his post was back in 2011.

I hope that somehow I can overcome my current limitations, physically, mentally and emotionally and take the plunge and hope you can too.

The mind is powerful, try and put it to good use.

It's too bad you don't get notifications when someone posts here as I have rally enjoyed reading the responses from people, I don't feel so alone.

w~








Jul 25, 2017
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When was this post NEW
by: Jack

Don of South Florida- WHEN did you post this? Why are you not responding to people?

Jack 7/25/17

Jul 23, 2017
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New NEW
by: Anonymous

Just found this site. Helpful to know I am not the only one that has some of the same feeling as others here. I will continue to read until I feel comfortable to say why I am depressed for I should have nothing to be depressed about.

Jul 08, 2017
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Response to my 63 year old friend in FLA NEW
by: Anonymous

Wow, your writing mirrors myself....my feelings. You captured and reflected my exact feeling. The more I read, research, uncover the more disgust I have about life.

If I had the money there are many places I would go to actually life the rest of my life uncovering many deep philosophical beliefs ......

Remember The Celestine Prophecy? I believe spiritually some of us may have come to this very point in our lives for a reason. I have been thru a near death experience when I was 19. My dead maternal grandmother told me when I rose out of my body 'You need to go back, this is not your time' . Must have been right!

What's next? Your guess is as good as mine. I've been chosen to stay for a reason.

Jul 06, 2017
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Cut Yourself and People some Slack NEW
by: Anonymous

I understand exactly what you are saying. I used to sometimes destroy friendships and relationships to the point of not only burning the bridge but blowing it into oblivion. Sometimes I test people to see what and how they respond. Sometimes I get annoyed and say exactly how I feel. This is really not helpful to me at all in the long run. So I am pushing myself to not respond negatively. People who were raised by negative people often do what you and I do. Only we can change ourselves period. People are human and no one is ever going to be perfect.No one wants to age it's a natural process. So those barriers have not only not worked for you, but left you feeling more miserable than ever. Only you can tear the walls down. Younger women make you feel good because that is what your ego tells you. Ego can be your worst enemy sometimes. We all are guilty of assessing people.About what they can or cannot bring into our lives. Sometimes it's easier to dismiss someone even if you are attracted to them because of fear to take the risk of vulnerability. I have a wonderful friend he is your age, a successful musician whose height was in the 80's. He has online relationships with several women whom he had slept with at one time or another.They are safe until one wants to see him again in person.Then he becomes overly critical and has to control the friendship. He self coaches to push them away because any feeling is uncomfortable. He has been married a couple of times which failed for one reason or another. He only really wants what he cannot have because it's safe. He has resigned himself to being reclusive and alone. He says he is tired but really he is depressed. I believe in his mind he has already accomplished what he wanted professionally.Personally not so much he misses his younger days and investing into someone new is too risky, and uncomfortable. Therefore what is the use. This to me is a travesty of a beautiful man who has more or less given up. Is this really what you want? If not then you have to change. You have to force yourself to be open to the notion of even you have lived an exciting, positive life when you were young, doesn't mean you cannot in later years. Pushing yourself to an uncomfortable limit and then past it. Over time it gets easier to open yourself up. Stop the critical self dialog when it comes on, push out the overly critical assessment of women who want to spend time with you. Push yourself to socialize a little more. Small steps, push yourself to go for a walk or some type of exercise. I am doing this now I have new goals after each one I accomplish. Never surrender to self loathing. Its going to be the hardest thing you will ever do at first. Everyone has had a loss or failure in their lifetime. I have had many but I look at them as a lesson learned. Life is precious and being human even with all it's faults is a gift. Don't waste the time you have with unhappiness. I am a nurse,who has seen a lot of people pass. In the end it is only regret of inaction that prevails.

Jun 25, 2017
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60 and depressed NEW
by: Anonymous

I am a 60 (almost 61) year old woman living in south Florida also. Although my actual situation is different, I feel I can totally relate to Don't.I feel hopeless, depressed and negative. I dont want to be around other people much. I can't bring myself to join anything to meet people. I love with my daughter, my 3 grandchildren, my alcoholic "boyfriend" and his best friend. I love my grandchildren but they are hard to handle.A hyperactive 7 year old and 2 toddlers, 1 and 2 years old. I only get a small pension. I feel like a slave. I do all the work in the house for everyone! I ask for help, I get angry, I get sad, I've tried discussions, but nothing changes. They dimply dont care. My daughter is young and has an active life. My boyfriend is an alcoholic narcissist. We can't even have a conversation. The situation can't change because we need his help with the rent. I have cut off my college friends because I'm embarrassed about my life. I went to an Ivy League University and I'm living in poverty.All of my college friends have great careers and their children have been to college. They live in beautiful homes in nice communities. I feel I have destroyed my life and I can't find anyway out of this nightmare. I dont want to see my grandkids grow up poor and I feel helpless and unable to truly help them. My husband and my mother died 10 years ago and I have never recovered. They were my best friends. I feel unhealthy and like I can't cope with even 1 more thing. I feel angry and bitter all the time and just dont know what to do!!

Jun 07, 2017
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Work Keep our minds off brooding NEW
by: Anonymous

I'm 62-1/2, retired. I keep thinking why I was not depressed and constantly thinking about depressing thoughts before my retirement. I came to realize that I was just too darn busy and occupied with all sorts of work distractions to have any extra time for deeper reflection on life.
So now, I force myself to complete personal projects on time. Its not always easy to do because there is no boss to pressure me to get things done--and when under no pressure, I fall off the wagon time again and end up depressed thinking about deeper meanings of life. If I can only force myself to be engrossed in my projects and forget my troubles, I think I can be content. No body ever figures out deeper meanings anyway--there is none.. You just have to make one up yourself, and don't be too intellectually honest either, As life ends goes, nobody finishes life when it is finally finished.

May 23, 2017
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60 years old and finding it hard to accept being 'old' NEW
by: Majel

Turned 60 last year and in a state of sadness mixed with regret mixed with depression (have always been emotionally up and down since I can remember). Married with a family which keeps me sane and 'needed'. Not yet retired but have taken the last 3 months off work due to lung problems / scarring of lungs probably due to old infection, hopefully not progressive but not yet clear on whether it is or not. Taking time off work has made me feel 'worse' emotionally but also has made me think about how I am going to feel when I do retire as work gives me a perspective in my life even tho it is dealing with public most of the time. But I have come to realise that we need other people in our lives whether through employment or voluntary work (which I intend to get involved in when I do retire). If we exist in our own 'World' without meeting other people, we will become very self-centred and lonely and live a meaningless life. You should find a Community group where you can help others who need it, and you need to meet other people every day to put some meaning back into your life. Dont be too much of a snob to push a wheelchair of an older person and take them for a walk or read to a person who is unable to read or similar activity to help others less fortunate than yourself. Remember, 'Man / Womam' was not meant to be an Island.

May 05, 2017
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Kick up the backside. NEW
by: Sally

Rob Q and Happy Old Man, and Anonymous Nov 19 - you are all so right. I can relate a lot to what 63 years old and depressed is saying. BUT ive always had a cheerful disposition, I talk to anyone ie at the bus stop, on the train, in the shops etc. Dont keep looking at yourself, other people matter too. Im slightly disabled so I havent had the chances that my friends have had, and as its hereditary I ensured I didnt have children. I may get a little upset about it from time to time, but I do not wallow nor complain. There is beauty all around us, Im grateful for being. Every night I thank God for keeping me safe and a roof over my head, food and people who like me, even if its only my neighbours! All over the world people are starving, children are forced to work in mines underground, people have to live in war torn chaos. Consider yourself LUCKY. Do as Rob Q suggests and make yourself go out for a walk, go swimming, go where people are (not the bar!) TALK to people. Talk to a doctor. Dont try and find your soulmate. That kind of love is not the answer for you. If you start a relationship with someone, expect nothing. Enjoy it. Dont think about it. STOP THINKING. START DOING. Just TRY it. Please. Its such a waste otherwise.

May 04, 2017
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This was Awesome! NEW
by: Anonymous

Totally raw and honest, I loved this! Hurray for your dispassionate, clear appraisal of your life and personality! You do know that you're not alone, right? There are others of us out there -- others who would like people in our lives, if we just liked people.
I've been thinking along these lines, too. I am 63, and it is looking like a pretty empty life ahead.
So, tonight I have decided it's time to try a new area to excel in. I think I'll go for a 'personality' type accomplishment. It's this: I'm going to work on the art of kindness. It sounds pretty simple, but I believe its implementation will provide an interesting and complex diversion.
I have been feeling like many things have failed in my life. But surely it can't take much talent to learn to excel in kindness, right? I'm actually pretty excited about this new creative project. No guilt, just fun. If there's any guilt, it is no longer a creative endeavor, so I'll dump the project.
This is just for fun. I want to see how strong I can make this quality. Here I go.
I wonder if you, too, have something you are still curious about, in which you can learn to excel?

May 02, 2017
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To The Last Poster (Annon. May 2) NEW
by: Tom W

What is the name of the song you are referring to - "As the song goes, If I knew now what I wish I knew then... " Are you around 60 years old or so?

So sorry you feel that way. I feel the same way myself. I recently told a friend of mine (who just turned 60) that it's pretty much over for the both of us since we've never been married: and not much of a resume with relationships.

May 02, 2017
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All of us in same situation,,let's get together... NEW
by: Anonymous

What could I add that hasn't already been said.

I can add, no friends, no kids, no husband anymore, too fat, too ugly, too many regrets, isolation by choice and life is over.
All the things I want passed me by in my twenties.
As the song goes, If I knew now what I wish I knew then...
If it were not for my two 8 year old shtzus I would get in my car and drive out of this life.

Our lives are done. Period

Mar 27, 2017
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I am you NEW
by: Deb

Your profile could well be mine. My husband left me after 42 years of marriage. My only child blames me for the divorce.

Each day I watch tv until 2 or 3 and sleep until 2 the next day. People totally annoy me. I wait for the day when I can go to sleep and not wake up.

I am seeing a psychiatrist and taking whatever meds she prescribes. I have developed psoriasis and try to stay ahead of this horrible disease.

Not sure where to turn. I just make sure I have enough clean pajamas to last a few days.

Feb 24, 2017
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just hanging on NEW
by: Anonymous

im 63 years old, a physician who is well respected but burned out. I went to an ivy league university, studied with some great doctors. My wife divorced me after heart surgery 20 years ago, my daughter is fiercely independent and well on her way, lives out west. Ive been fighting depression for 45 years, have managed. I have health problems now, been sick for a year, feel financially squeezed, alone in the world and not terribly optimistic about the future. im semi retired, looking for some part-time work. i have trouble sleeping, dont really want to do too much, worry about everything. My parents are dead, i have a sister who doesnt live closeby, no nieces or nephews, no close friends. i cant get out of my own way. i dont want to keep feeling this way but know the risks of medications.... any suggestions

Feb 23, 2017
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Happy with my 63 !!! NEW
by: Happy old man

My english is not perfect, but I may write something possitive.
I've lived 63 years,sometimes happy, sometimes sad, that's life, up and down, I was young and healthy and I'm old know with some health issues, but happy for living many years. Do you want more?, do you want to be young again?, it's impossible. Life is only one and every stage has it own beauty. Live day by day, don't look back, be happy with what you have, be happy and say thanks God for my life, because you are unique.

Jan 01, 2017
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The female view NEW
by: Anonymous

Feel the same. I am the 63 yr old woman who is invisible to most. Not horrible looking, no facelifts. Just a normal looking looking older woman who was 18 yesterday. Men want someone 30 years younger.

Dec 29, 2016
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I Can Very Well Relate! NEW
by: Tom

From what I've read about you, I wish I could meet you. I feel very much the same way you do. I will be 60 on New Years Day. I have never been married and never had children.

You have never mentioned any health issues you had. If that's the case, then you are fortunate. About two years ago I had my Prostate removed because of cancer. I was diagnosed at 56. That has changed things for me (if you know what I mean). Just recently I had to take a shot to keep my PSA under control. Yes, even though the Prostate is gone, there's a chance and watch that the cancer may come back.

I have been very health conscious and exercised a lot. It was a shock when I was diagnosed. I'm still exercising now and it helps me.

But there is a lot of depression and anxiety and loneliness that I have to deal with. I've always been shy and introverted. I have not been successful with women and had limited friends. Up to now, the guy friends mean a lot more to me than getting a woman (I'm not gay). I have a couple of guy friends now. They're nice but there are times they get on my nerves.

At this point I have a job and feel very thankful for it. It's not a high-paying power job. I have fears that it will end and I will never be able to recover if it does.

I feel very thankful for what I have, even though it's not much. It helps me to develop that attitude. But lots of times I fear that the good things I have will end; and I feel very sure that it will be replaced by things not-so-good. It seems like things are more on the downswing
than getting better in every aspect.

I do appreciate you sharing. I wish I could meet guys who would share those kind of feelings with me. Instead I come across those who just say, "snap out of it!". Or one friend that I have says that he gets into the Bible and it helps him out a lot. And I should do that. Well, I've heard him say that before. And then when things go wrong, he flies off the handle! I appreciate those who would be "downers" than those who fake having it all together.

Dec 27, 2016
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Invisible NEW
by: Anonymous

I'm 61yr. Old ,and feel like I'm invisible to men if I smile they look away ! People don't see me anymore ! So when you guys only like women 20-30 yr. younger , my hope is gone ! Seem wrong ,but that's the way attraction goes .

Sep 25, 2016
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I think I know just how you feel, if that's possible... NEW
by: Hopeless in the woods

Your story sounds so familiar except that I left Florida in May and have been traveling around the country living in a van. I find hope and happiness for short periods in new environments only to find myself back in despair and unhappiness when the newness fades away. I bought a small home in the mountains out west (on a whim) because it is a pretty nice area and I was tired of traveling but 2 months later, I'm wondering what is wrong with me... I thought dating might help but only find more unhappiness when I meet women and realize that I would rather be alone than work at a relationship that will most likely end in failure anyway. I wake up in the morning feeling energetic and positive but by days end I am depressed and just want to go to sleep and not wake up. Thanks for reading.

Aug 01, 2016
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Already Dead NEW
by: Zeke

I'm a 62 yo male. A near fatal heart attack on the job ( police ), ended my 30 year career. Married 30 plus years to a very sweet and smart woman. Met her when she was 17. Always true blue until my best friend died of a horrible cancer. Friends since we were 12. We were partnered on the job. I came apatransfer..and got close to his widow. I fell from grace. I had actually disliked this woman in the past. My wife and this same female attended the same high school, and detested each other. I totally ceased up. Completely stopped any contact with the widow. My wife totally fell apart. Multiple marriage counsellors, and our priest. We tried separation twice ( even though i didn't want to ). Nothing helped my wife. She divorced me. I deserved it. Not interested in any other woman. Just miss my wife. But, I don't bug her. My two kids remained with me full time ( they are at odds with their mother for splitting ). I tell them I still love their mom, but she had to do what made her healthy. Yes Im depressed and anxious, and lonely. And without hope, energy, or the will to live. Forget church or priest. Hypocrites and pervs. Forget medical care. I know the process! I used to be the one taking such sorry souls for involuntary psych admission. Few ever got out; and the ones that did had nothing left. No one. Except a rope. I know. Seen the damage done. So, I'm not asking for answers, nor prayers, nor making excuses. When there's nothing left, and your used up, and the will is long gone; Im done here. I was already dead anyway. Not going to be one of those poor fools waiting for what? See ya.

Aug 01, 2016
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Already Dead NEW
by: Zeke

I'm a 62 yo male. A near fatal heart attack on the job ( police ), ended my 30 year career. Married 30 plus years to a very sweet and smart woman. Met her when she was 17. Always true blue until my best friend died of a horrible cancer. Friends since we were 12. We were partnered on the job. I came apatransfer..and got close to his widow. I fell from grace. I had actually disliked this woman in the past. My wife and this same female attended the same high school, and detested each other. I totally ceased up. Completely stopped any contact with the widow. My wife totally fell apart. Multiple marriage counsellors, and our priest. We tried separation twice ( even though i didn't want to ). Nothing helped my wife. She divorced me. I deserved it. Not interested in any other woman. Just miss my wife. But, I don't bug her. My two kids remained with me full time ( they are at odds with their mother for splitting ). I tell them I still love their mom, but she had to do what made her healthy. Yes Im depressed and anxious, and lonely. And without hope, energy, or the will to live. Forget church or priest. Hypocrites and pervs. Forget medical care. I know the process! I used to be the one taking such sorry souls for involuntary psych admission. Few ever got out; and the ones that did had nothing left. No one. Except a rope. I know. Seen the damage done. So, I'm not asking for answers, nor prayers, nor making excuses. When there's nothing left, and your used up, and the will is long gone; Im done here. I was already dead anyway. Not going to be one of those poor fools waiting for what? See ya.

Jun 09, 2016
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You are doing everything wrong NEW
by: Rob Q.

You wont like hearing this. I am 63 in 2016. I fall into depressions and ruts from time to time. I surf the net looking for inspiration and information to help me get out of the rut.

I have battled depression since my youth. I know the answer is to get up and get moving.

I also make music. I need to record and release an album.

This week we had a tropical storm in Florida so I haven't been able to play soccer. I usually play 3 to 5 times a week.

I haven't been to the gym all week.

I have been laying around dreaming. It feels good when I am doing it but it leads to depression and lethargy.

I got to get up and get moving.

So do you.

Just reading how your doing everything wrong everything that leads to depression inspires me to get up and move.

I am going to the gym now. I am going to play soccer tonight and I am going to work on some music in between.

May 27, 2016
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Here's help for some
by: Anonymous

Hi, this is what has worked for me in the past . Our thoughts can make us have low chemicals or off set them and we think our depression came first and then we started thinking depressing thoughts , but it's the other way around most of the time . We have something go wrong in our life and then we start thinking our bad thoughts about the situation and then it turns into depression . So you have to override the bad thoughts with good thoughts . It really doesn't take that long if you stay on it . Example : if you have a thought like " my life is horrible and it will probally even get worse . Stop the thought as fast as you can and say to yourself, " this won't last long because nothing is forever and I can see good things ahead for me and then think of all the good things that could happen . Something good could be right around the corner and it could happen when the depression leaves . And prayer does work if you have faith .

Nov 19, 2015
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61 and depressed?
by: Anonymous

I am 61. Living to 61 and waking up every morning is something to be grateful for. Many didn't get this amazing gift. I'm not trying to be mean or insensitive, but get over yourself. Try reaching out and being kind. It certainly isn't going to hurt you. When you help and are kind to others, it gives you a sense of purpose and helps you to feel good about yourself. Volunteer at a homeless shelter, your problems won't seem important after that. Put yourself aside, you 'll be much happier. Just my thoughts. I see this is an old blog, but glad I ran across it, there's always something to be grateful for.

Nov 01, 2015
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All so alone
by: Anonymous

I'm 63 and spectacularly depressed. Having gone for a blood test recently, the doctor told me I was in amazingly good shape for me age, gave me some testosterone and B12 as a boost and told me not to worry so much. Unfortunately I am also quite attractive to women and very sympathetic, always lending an ear and fixing broken wings of those traumatized by husbands or jobs. I recently met a beautiful woman 30 years my junior and we fell in love almost immediately, although I know not why. She was married but going through a painful divorce and emotionally unavailable when push came to shove. Our relationship blossomed, to the point where we became the perfect compatible match, or so I was informed, sharing each others lives on a part time basis, on social media, and the occasional romp in the hay at discreet locations. My ability to destroy the very things I love came to the fore, I damaged even further an already damaged woman, in the prime of her life, why does this Universe fuck with us so much? Is there no end to this madness looking for happiness where there is no such thing, only confusion, unintentional pain hatred and death? I am absolutely convinced that being a "good person" is a fukking waste of time and of a life, be as selfish as you can, grasp whatever you can for your own gratification, and fuck everyone else because that's exactly what they are trying to do to you without realizing it.

Nov 01, 2015
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All so alone
by: Anonymous

I'm 63 and spectacularly depressed. Having gone for a blood test recently, the doctor told me I was in amazingly good shape for me age, gave me some testosterone and B12 as a boost and told me not to worry so much. Unfortunately I am also quite attractive to women and very sympathetic, always lending an ear and fixing broken wings of those traumatized by husbands or jobs. I recently met a beautiful woman 30 years my junior and we fell in love almost immediately, although I know not why. She was married but going through a painful divorce and emotionally unavailable when push came to shove. Our relationship blossomed, to the point where we became the perfect compatible match, or so I was informed, sharing each others lives on a part time basis, on social media, and the occasional romp in the hay at discreet locations. My ability to destroy the very things I love came to the fore, I damaged even further an already damaged woman, in the prime of her life, why does this Universe fuck with us so much? Is there no end to this madness looking for happiness where there is no such thing, only confusion, unintentional pain hatred and death? I am absolutely convinced that being a "good person" is a fukking waste of time and of a life, be as selfish as youcan, grasp whatever you can for your own gratification, and fuck everyone else because that's exactly what they are trying to do to yoy without realizing it.

Oct 29, 2015
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old and depressed
by: Anonymous

Hi there, just became aware of your blog through Google, and found that it's truly informative. I will be grateful if you continue this in future. Lots of people will be benefited from your writing. Cheers!



Oct 15, 2015
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63 years old
by: Anonymous

The clarity in your post is simply spectacular and i can assume you are an expert on this subject.


Jul 25, 2015
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How to function well despite depression, and how to beat depression
by: Anonymous

My recommendation is to participate in Recovery International meetings. Back in 1937 Abraham Low MD was not seeing any gains in his patients using psychoanalytic therapy. He created a system of cognitive and behavior therapy, his most important work being Mental Health through will Training. His program is still very effective.
Look up Recovery International on the web. Find a meeting close by, or an internet meeting if there are no meetings near you. Try about 10 sessions to know if it helps you. The group sessions are free. They ask for a $5.00 donation per meeting but will accept whatever you want to give. It is by far the most powerful system I know to improve your mental health. I know after reading this you will say your situation is different that no one can help you. That is your depression speaking. Go to meetings, read the literature, and slowly you will learn how to fight your depression and learn to love life again. Good luck!

Jun 25, 2015
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There is Hope
by: Anonymous

I believe age certainly has something to do with the feelings of loneliness and feeling depressed. I'm 61 years now and tLw (the Lord willing) will be 62 in July. I, like most of you good folks, had a typically fun-filled, constructive life when we were younger. And if we did have a bad hair day (depressed, lonely, etc.) we just got over it. But since getting older (late 50s+), life seems to have lose something and I'm still trying to figure out why. I know for me it started with the "empty-nest" syndrome which is real and leaves a loneliness that is difficult to describe. Then it was going back to school which I loved, but now I'm in debt which I try not to think about (maybe it will go away, right). Then there is not having a job after all that schooling. The Big one is having too much time on my hands and I end up thinking about all the bad decisions and choices I've made over the years. It's an endless cycle. What helps me is reading the Bible, probably the only time I don't have the thoughts. I believe there is hope for all of us. I believe true joy can be found regardless of age if we stop thinking of ourselves and concentrate on helping others (I know easier said that done). The truth is, if we have a roof over our head and food to eat, we are better off than most people in this world. I hope for good things for all. Thanks for listening.

Apr 14, 2015
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your story is my story
by: Anonymous

Hi! All
I'm 67 have had depression since 1970's.
MY hair fell out 5 years ago from stress at work.
I am in pain from a car accident 16 years ago.
Have great friends but they don't know how to help. Need to word but I can't stand or sit for long periods of time.
WHAT DO WE DO? As I reread this I hear how negative it sounds.
What do we do?

Mar 10, 2015
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61 and depressed
by: Anonymous

I have a woman who is dying of cancer who lives in another state. Drinking now to deal with depression. Loosing home to foreclosure. waiting to die. Please if there is any one who can give me some kindness at all......................Help I am so depressed I am drinking right now to the point of sickness. I have very few if any real friends. I feel like I am already dead inside, but still trying hard to hold on to faith. If I dont get help soon I may be dead due to overdose or whatever. I am 61 year old male. Been through so much B.S. in my life I feel there is nothing left. Drunk on my ass now and wishing I was dead. God bless anyone with compassion enough to help me.... Tried therapy. Faith is failing........Not sure what is left for me.................Still a good man.....

Aug 05, 2014
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i'm in the same boat i think
by: jdleet

i also have bouts of depression,been singlefor centuries because no woman wants to date a man that's totally disabled by an invisible illness called bipolar and only makes no more income than the $77,monthly disability check.been disabled & on this income since 1981.i'm almost 60 years old.have become very set in my ways,not willing to take on new interests and the ones i have are also not the mainstream norm for people my age..i'm in to 80's and some 90's music videos and have collection of a couple thousand at least.i also like some current symphonic metal like amberian dawn xandria and tarja..and i love movies..horror comedy action everything..but like you, i'm a homebody.i don't desire the party scene or the bong crowd.i'm happy to sit at home where i'm comfortable and watch stuff on my 42 inch hdtv and surround sound.you didn't mention your article something i'm curious about..i've always prefered to have one 'best' friend as opposed to having a group of 'good' friends.this has led partly to my being so lonely..i wondered as i read your story if you are the same way about having friends in your life.when you've had an exceptionally close bond ,had a best friend relationship(platonic not gay) with a another man for many years many years(nearly the same exact interests in movies,music,philosophy,women,etc) and suddenly he's off and married and busy with family..well..it becomes a lonesome world really fast.i was 50 when he moved away and by that age it's impossible to regain a close bond like that with someone else,as it takes years to form that kind of a bond.as a 50 year old man,who was i going to bond with for the next 10 or 15 years?i'm 59 now..and i haven't found a best friend yet!everybody's too busy.people aren't out there looking for best friends.just bowling buddies for the weekend(so to speak)..that really sucks

Jul 14, 2014
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ditto
by: Anonymous=stu

I am 63 years old lost my only sibling 6 months ago
Have a lovely wife who i love to bits go to the gym four times a week play golf and am reasonably fit.

sooo why do i feel so bloody lousy since my sister died feel on my own wife has still got her M&D and 5 brothers and one sister .

have realised if she went no one left why do i feel angry and lonely every day i think of suicide was fine before my sister died.

My wife I feel will leave me as i am a total pain

I would fully understand if she did in fact iwould not blame her.

I seem to wallow in self pity

lost my sense of humour


I am a total prick and just want to stay on my own why?

May 09, 2014
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almost a carbon copy!
by: Anonymous

My mother who was married 40+ years told me after a break up "You think I'm not alone because I'm married. I've alays been alone." It was sad.

In my own case, 61 never married tho engaged twice. Both were running around with married men.

Get sick of being hurt.

In my own case, they all liked me from day 1 and spend all the rest of the time trying to change me.

Sadly, you gotta love yourself. I had a brother die in car accident when I was 8. I know I never recoved from that, add mother, a sister dying from cancer at 41, and my dad with Alzheimers the last years of his life.

END OF FAMILY.

Still, I have hobbies, travel, go to church, etc.
Married (some) have drugged up kids, daughters pregnant at 15, high school dropouts, etc. What did I miss?

10 people get married. 6 get divorced, 2 more are unfaithful and one is unhappy and one of the original ten is still happy.

Horrible odds.

Still, we'll be ok.

Apr 08, 2014
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sad
by: Anonymous

that was so sad and i feel the same way. BUT I have a great husband and friends but still am so depressed.

I have a sign posted on the wall that says,
KEEP CALM AND CARRY ON
I look at that and sometimes it helps....
sometimes.

Jan 18, 2014
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Ouch
by: Anonymous

I am working on 63 years old in July 2014, I am so depressed that it takes at least half a day to function on a minimal. I am on paxil for anger issues but it is not taking care of my depression. I am not able to call my two children for they want me to completely change my life and I cannot do this at this time. I am an alcoholic, and smoke at least 2-3 packs of cigarettes a day. I worry about my children and all people around me, I feel I have to help all. I have strong health issues and it is hard for me to go see about them, because it takes away money for me to help people so I ignore my problems. These issues are becoming worse and I am on disability with a strict financial responsibility each month. I have tried, medication, rehab, hypnosis and still am who I am. Honestly do not like who I am, HELP

Nov 07, 2013
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Enjoy Life!
by: Anonymous

There is much life after physical human death on earth. Enjoy the time you have left!

Aug 20, 2013
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ditto
by: Anonymous

same age, same feelings. same circumstances. i am a musician too, but no longer get any pleasure from it. I have tried often to hook up with other musicians in the last few years but nothing ever works. just like with women. i have stopped trying anything. i have been wishing my life would just end, especially if nothing new is going to come along.

Mar 01, 2013
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The eternal dilemma
by: Anonymous

I can relate very much to what you say. Loneliness and lovelessness are aweful places to be. And yes...all we actually have is now. I'm 61 and trying to mend a relationship that could have been beautiful for the past 30 years if I had not have screwed it up by being insensitive, selfish, immature and way too serious. In addition having an unrealistic view of my own virtues and talents made matters worse. Ageing is something we all hate if we're honest. The way I see it though is that if we can realise something, even very late in the day, and at least try to end one's final years in love rather than lonely and out of love then it is worth the work needed to turn around a screwed-up life. I am very fortunate in that my wife didn't leave me though she had every reason to. It has taken me a very long time to realise that people and relationships are the most important aspect of life and to try hard to cultivate friendship and love is always necessary at all ages. At 63, there is probably still time to grab some happiness. Good Luck.

Jul 31, 2012
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I'm 20. But, I can relate to most of what you said.
by: Anonymous

I feel isolated. I also am overly critical and unpleasant and tend to ruin relationships (QUICKLY). I inherited egotism and narcissism from my parents. I'm cynical and tend to focus on negative things. I feel like life is lonely and that I'm a slave to cravings and longings that will either harm me or I can't fulfill. I'm very depressed often times, and I don't find parties enjoyable. Many people I just don't know how to converse with because I don't have the energy, or I don't have interest in the topics they like to discuss (I.E. their air conditioner broke; something that I can't advise them about, be happy or sad over, or excited about in any way). Anyways, I'm really sorry that you feel that way. I may not be 60, but I know the inner turmoil can be painful and I truely do feel sad that you're going through this. I'd like to offer you and internet hug <3 I hope you don't give up trying to feel better. As just a tip, people of faith tend to be happier. Christianity offers hope and joy for people who can't stand this life.

Wishing you peace and relief.
-Anonymous kid...hehe

Mar 06, 2011
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REMAINING YEARS
by: Anonymous

your remaining years?? The problem is you are talking about yourself as if you are already dead.
No one has remaining years. There are plenty of people in the grave half your age.None of us have remaining years.. We have today ..

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