blinking light

in the midst of my depression i find blinking if it was to soon be if it was to soon be out...i always asked myself why? why is this happening to me...still looking for the answer...still wandering why? through the midst of silence i asked God for help...telling me the answers...but never wanting to understand the details of what He's trying to tell me...never wanting to accept the gifts He wants to give me...why? is it because there are people around who never understood what was happening to me rather during this time of suffering they are the ones who judge me...that what's happening to me is completely not me... but the insane me...i was beaten so many times by my brother (my kuyang)put a gun in my head telling me to stop making trouble and putting my family to shame (this incident happened after i gave birth to my 2nd daughter before my husband left for princess cruises,may 2005)...last december 22, 2008...he spank me once on my left cheek and twice on my right face...saying...hang yourself!!!!!son of a bitch!!!!hang yourself...kill shame to this family!!!i suffered a lot...too much grief on my part and my kids heard husband was out working in a cruise line (princess cruises - star)...i answered back you don't know what i am going through..all of you don't even want to ask me why? why is this happening to me?...instead you judge me by saying i am insane...i am completely out of my mind...i am a shame to this family...i fear not you kuyang (brother) nor nanay (mother)...i will not kill myself because i fear God more than anyone in this house...until now i have more to discover and more to learn from this illness and i know that you can help me beat depression and that i am very much willing to be helped...i know God has several plans for me and He is willing to give back whatever gift i have lost during those times i got depressed...i can interpret song through dancing...i can write wonderful thoughts about God...i am a Bible picker( i picked up a Holy Bible from the trashcan of one of my relative when i was 8) and keeper (i have kept it read it from then on). i treasure my Bible more than anything this world can give. And i believe that "i am with HIM"..."Assuredly, i say to you, today you will be with Me in Paradise. - Luke 23:43". i know that this message will surely be the torch to the blinking light. this message was written in my bible reading guide dated january 10. thank you for giving me a great opportunity to share a little about me.


Thank you for sharing! I am so glad you found yourself a copy of the most comforting book in all the world. No matter your background, God's Word has such wisdom and comfort. Visit for some more hope.

I am sorry to hear of the terrible abuse you suffer at the hands of your own family. I wonder if you could flee to a nearby church? Not sure what country you are in but I will pray for you to find some proper support. I will pray for you as your husband is away working.

Thank you again for sharing.


Merri Ellen

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