I had polio as a child (9 months} to cut a long story short I spend most of my childhood in hospital having operatons, physio,poked and proded by doctors, the longest time in hospital was 1 year when I had a big op on my right leg (which was the 2ins shorter due to the polio). When I was 11 I had my first panic attach and was put on valium, Im 58 so that was in the old day anyway I just got depressed and still do to this day. Its when I wake up I have this horrible feeling that another day has come about and there's just this huge feeling of sadness, also of being useless. I did see a shrink for a long time didnt help much, also been to see a phycologist same thing doesnt help. I know Im depressed and I've tried comming off meds but I get so bad im back on them again. The trouble is I know Im depressed but I hide it from everybody the result is that they see me as a strong person when most of the time I just want to curl up in a ball and put a blanket over my head and just want to be invisable terrible isnit it. I cant remember being really truly happy for any length of time, life just seems to have no purpose we are born and then we die. The bit in the middle you have kids they leave home, you work, build up a nice home, go to gym or whatever but at the end on the day whats it all about. Iv been searching for years for an answer and havnt found any.

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