(Apple Valley, Ca, USA)
I left a toxic 23 year marriage in Florida with the help of a high school sweetheart so I could try and start a new life with my father out in Southern california. He is 88yrs old and is getting up in years. I spent a month with him and then went back to Florida to live with my high school sweetheart whom I hadn't seen in several years, back before my marriage. I stayed with her about 3 months and then things started turning toxic. She was getting angry that I couldn't find a job fast enough and then she was getting resentful that she was having to support me. I tried so hard to find a job, but the economy just was not helping! She said she loved me and I do love her. Then she would have these mood swings, maybe it was the pressure of her having to support me. She would say, "I want you to move out and go back to California" and the day before I had to go she would get teary-eyed and not want me to go. I finally left last week after 2 stunts like this thinking I was going to come back. We agreed that we couldn't live without each other, that I would go and help my father out temporarily for 2 weeks and then everything would be fine. 2 days after I left, she cut off my cellphone and then my return trip back to Florida with half of my belongings back there. Everyone was saying that this is a rebound relationship and that it was too soon, but I am in love with her. She doesn't return emails and won't answer the phone. I feel so depressed and down and out. I look forward to going to sleep at night so that I can dream and never wake up. When I wake up it is so hard. I do, but it takes a long time and then I start dwelling on those good things we used to do. It's like she has ripped me out of her life like a piece of trash. How on earth can I cope with this???
Jonathan, I urge you to carefully read what you have just written. Does this truly sound like a woman who is loving and compassionate towards you? You used the word 'toxic' and it sounds like your friends have cautioned you against this relationship. I genuinely say this sounds more like lust on your part and a worshiping of this woman than it does a loving relationship.
Love never gives up.
Love cares more for others than for self.
Love doesn't want what it doesn't have.
Love doesn't strut,
Doesn't have a swelled head,
Doesn't force itself on others,
Isn't always "me first,"
Doesn't fly off the handle...
I caution you. I honestly don't think you will find love and compassion in this kind of one-sided self-centred relationship.
Johnathan, I invite you to read the chapter of my e-book on social support. You need this! The best thing I'd say -would be to focus on caring for your dad at this time rather than to win the love of such a needy woman. Going down that road will only find you frustration and brokenness. Choose hope.
There is hope. You are worth it.
Merri Ellen :)
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