It never seems to end

It started when I was 10 years old. Death of a loved one. It got worse when my father died when I was in my 20's. Then, after 15 years, my first marriage died. Then, my Mom and 3 a year for 4 years. A close friend, teachers, than my sister, several cousins, the other day one of the 4 first cousins I have left. My kids and grandkids, except for one that if I'm lucky I see once a week for an hour, don't live close, so I rarely get to see them. I can't move because I am married and have a home and I promised my one child here that I'd stay put. I'm afraid to leave my husband alone to go visit because I'm afraid something will happen to him. (He's likes to spend a lot of time alone, but at least he started to make a couple of acquaintances.)

I joined a senior group and am an officer. But I still don't have any close friends here. Honestly, I don't know how anymore. Everyone is so busy, they don't socialize or don't want to socialize. I invited someone several times, but they don't respond. It seems people only stay with friends they've had all their lives, not people new to the area (6 years already and we're still new)

I really am sad because of my family dying off. I have 2 sisters over 80 and one is in very poor health. I get very little exposure to really positive things..I think I need to be around younger people more.

I'm not young, but I'm not extremely old either. I should be able to do a lot more, but feeling like crap, mentally and physically don't facilitate being active. I have a couple of hobbies that used to consume me, but I don't care about them much anymore.

Wow, do I sound like I spend all my time feeling sorry for myself. Honestly, I don't. But the sadness and the depression are just beneath the surface.

That's it for now.

I'm thankful for my husband and my kids. When I get to spend time with them, the depression lifts.


Thanks for sharing. You've gone through a great deal of loss. Lack of community certainly doesn't help either, I understand. Good for you for stepping out and trying. Sadly, sometimes you can find more community online for some reason. Feel free to read other's posts and leave encouragement here. Others have found that if you give to others on this forum, you find hope yourself.

Keep trying in your community too. Don't ever give up. Have you tried volunteering at your local soup kitchen or something? Finding others who reach out to others can do wonders. Their joy is contagious. Surround yourself with people who reach out and are not stuck up.

Welcome to our little community!

There is hope! You are worth it!


Merri Ellen

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