Myrna

by Myrna
(Dewitt, MI, USA)

1. Think of the top 3 people you see most often during the week. Are they positive people or pessimistic people? Do they give you a glimpse of hope and joy or do they squash it all?

The three people I see most are my mother, my son and my therapist. My mother thinks she is a positive person, but she is probably more responsible for squashing my goals than anyone, although part of that is because she is in the early stages of dementia and/or Alzheimer's. My son may not be personally responsible for squashing any of my joy, and it's easier to be happy for him when I focus on his successes since he has had a very difficult life, so that really brings me up more often than down. My therapist helps me just by letting me vent about my
"trials and tribulations", and it helps me be a little less down for a little while.

2. Where do you want to see yourself after being depression free? What do you want to be doing with your life?

I wish I could see myself as depression free. If I were depression free, I think my quality of life would be much better, and it would be easier to see a glimmer of hope more often.

3. As you think about your depression, what do you think it may be teaching you about yourself?

Although I've thought about, "Is God trying to tell me something from the things I'm going through, I really haven't arrived at any solid conclusions. The only thing that it may be teaching me is that I have more of a heart than a whole lot of other people,and that's not all bad.

4. What or who makes you angry?

My mother makes me angry when she talks like she doesn't have any or much income or when she says she can't help me in spite of promises to do so, even though I know it's not totally her fault. She has enough to help me, and then some, but because of her current mental state is very careless with her resources, and there doesn't seem to be any way to intervene at the present time.
People who say, "Michigan is not in good shape right now" when I tell them that I'm looking for work because I've been looking for over 5 years.

5. What or who makes you sad?

Thinking about the things I've lost. I recently had to give up my home (which I had counted on being able to live in), because I lost all viable supplemental income, and I took an enormous loss on the sale of my mobile home. I also lost MOST of my belongings, although my mother still thinks I have too much because much of it is still in her garage

6. What or who brings you joy?

I'm not sure that I get joy out of anything at the present time.