unchecked depression surfacing after years and almost destroying my life
I am 25. I have been feeling fearful and anxious throughtout my school life. I was very shy and quiet. I would do mischief in a group. I was very doubtful of myself. I clearly remember as a child if someone would stand next to me I would just stop doing whatever I was doing. Be it palying or anything. I always had "Whether I am doing right?" in my mind. In school I had a friend whom I just blindly followed. He would make fun of me, emotionally blackmail me but somehow keep me as his friend. I never told anything that happened with me in school to my parents or anyone. Then I came to college. The shyness and fear were still there. But college means you have to make friends, girl friends.... all this crap was always playing in my mind. I made many friends but no close friends. It was just to spend time together. Then in the last year of college I had a girl friend with whom I broke off in just couple of months. I suffered a very bad time then.. After a year I had another relationship and I abandoned it after 2 years as things were getting very much out of control. I went further into depression and this time it was really really horrible. I would feel guilty and still sometimes do because I dumped the girl. I visited a psychologist and got myself treated. I still feel low, tired and stressed out. Sometimes there is an urge to enthusiastically build myself up and sometimes I just feel low and gloomy. I got your website while searching the web for depression related material. I have read and seen the first lesson on e-course. I will try this out. I am willing to do anything to feel happy and become healthy and successful.