A Dark Hole

I have always been creative...musically inclined and a writer @ heart. My depression is hereditary I believe...my father,now deceased was bi-polar...never diagnosed by physicians...but,apparent to those that knew him intimately. He was a hospital administrator...prescibed valium by his physician "friends," and an alcoholic. A violent alcoholic...he actually broke my nose @ 26...right after I moved in, with my then 4 yr.old...as my house had burned down prior...nice huh?

I never drank much then...as seeing both parents as alcoholics...it sickened me.

Three years ago...I was diagnosed with Thyroid Cancer, Stage 3.I had 2 surgeries within 3 mos...as it had matastisized...30 lymph nodes removed with the thyroid gland.My son...fearing he would loose me...tried to commit suicide...deep depression. I was a single parent...and tried to help him to no avail.Always had to be up and positive. He's been on every medication, years of therapy.He is still a mess.

They..my oncologist...told me I had 10-15 years left right after the radiation.So, not only am I trying to keep my son alive...I am told I may be dying...great! I don't believe I am...as I am all about attitude and perserverance etc. And my test results are positive.
But,10 mos ago...I started drinking...bearly keeping afloat with all the medical bills for me and my son...insurance covered 1/10th. It's been hard...last month I quit the alcohol and quit my job.I wanted to change everything,which was partially true, and I couldn't get up for work anymore...all I wanted to do was sleep. And I did after I quit..but, now I feel miserable...always tired and headachy...no energy and I should be out looking for a job. Luckily,I have some savings...but, that's not going to carry me for more than 4 or 5 months...I have to get my act together...and my son does as well. I feel hopeless and if I don't get myself together...I won't be able to help him.

ANSWER: My heart breaks for you and all you've had to go through! Thanks for sharing. Here's a bit of my own story...

There is hope! You are worth it!

Merri Ellen

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