A strange day every day
I have depression. I am not sure what caused it. I am not sure if it was caused by the death of my father when I was 6 months pregnant or if it came after the birth of my son in 2005. I am 35 years old. I used to be a very happy girl. I was always strong emotionally. I knew myself inside out. I was a girl that nothing got me down. I was everyones support system. No one knew for 3 years that I was struggling to get through my day. In January of 2009 I could no longer hide what I was going through as my family could see the changes in me. I sought help from my Dr. in April 2009 which lead to anti-depressants which caused bad side effects for me and were not working. I am now off them but I struggle every day. I went to a therapist for help and feel they did not understand. The advise given to me was to stop and look at the flowers outside his office as they were beautiful. He did not understand that I once loved flowers but that they now meant nothing to me and the idea to stop and look at his flowers was meaningless and idiotic to me. I have the same day every day. I can never relax or focus on what is going on. I find it hard to be around people and prefer to be alone. This I know is not me and it eats me up daily. I dont recogonize myself anymore. Everything that once brought me joy and was familiar to me I no longer appreciate or can identify with like the love from husband. I hate putting my husband through this. Every day I am angry. I dont understand what happended to me. Because I am not myself, I am stranger to myself and every day is strange to me. Despite all of this somehow I am hopeful that I will get my life back and once again have my familiar days.
Thanks for sharing. I'm so glad you found our site and am excited for the research available to help you get through. Enjoy the e-course and take each ingredient to your doctor.
My first assumption (only a guess) may be a lack in Omega 3s in your diet - which often happens after having a baby. (You'll learn more in our e-course).
Combine that with the loss of your father and you're carrying quite a load. I encourage you to connect with one of our online counselors if you need someone to talk through losing your father. You may be living with regret, anger or bitterness or some emotion that's eating away at you since losing your father.
Again, these are only mere guesses and so taking the research to your doctor and walking through loss with a counselor that doesn't force you to look at the flowers, may be a huge help for you. :)
There is hope! You are worth it!
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