by Breann
(Southeast TN)
I walk. I walk around and around in this blasted messy kitchen. I don't know where my water glass is. Where are the kids? It is too quiet. Now, wait, what was I doing? Oh, sorry, didn't mean to get in the way there. I'm always in the way and I never do anything productive. Is that the phone? Would love to talk to someone. Oh, my body hurts. I wonder what is wrong with me. Must be digestive. I am so hungry. This fridge is full of food but I would have to do something. I'm too tired to do something. Is there anything I can just put in my mouth? I wish I had someone to talk to, when will my husband be home? But he is so tired of hearing me say the same things over and over. He is such a good husband, I wish I could just shut up. He'd be better off without me. Wish we had life insurance on me. That picture on the fridge, I should just take it off. The kids were so cute then, why can't they be sweet anymore? Everything fun with the kids is over. I can't keep anything together anymore. We used to have so much fun. So many beautiful projects, so many days in the garden. There is no way I can raise them to adulthood. Look how much harder it gets every day. Oh, shoot, what did I forget now? I can't find what I was looking for. This fog in my head is too much. There is no way I can do that laundry. It is too much. Everything is too much. I should get out and get some work done. When will the sun shine again? When will it be warm again? I've got to do something out of this house. Did anyone feed the cats? I can't take care of all these animals. Everything is so gray outside. Everything is so gray in my head. The gray cloud comes over, I see it. Then I start hearing all the things I can't do. Listen, I can shake this off. I'll be fine. This is nothing, just a little disappointment. I've just felt bad for the last few months. Has it been that long? How long? Is there time in hell? Maybe I should sweep the floor? No, I'll sit down again. My legs are tired and I've not done a thing. No, I can't sit down, have to walk around and find my water glass...
ANSWER:
Thanks Breann for sharing. I remember feeling so scattered and overloaded like this. And as you mentioned, our spouses can often take a lot of the burden and feel helpless to help us. I know my own husband felt this way and having a counselor to talk with and someone who wouldn't react to my thoughts but wisely respond- was wonderful. Having a listening ear and someone to give you good direction in your specific circumstances and situation is so critical.
Feel free to chat with one online- as it starts free.
There is hope! You are worth it!
Merri Ellen