13 And Severely Depressed? (Abuse)

by Chelsea

I'm 13 and an 8th grader. There has been alot that I have been through my whole 13 years that I have been living, sometimes it seems to bad that I've already attempted twice in committing suicide. When I was 1-5 years old I lived at my grandmothers house with both my mother and father. My grandma and father both smoked and excessively drank alcohol around me. I can still smell that eurging smoking scent just clinging onto me. Moving on at the age of 6 I was diagnosed with papilloma virus in my voicebox, allowing me to have a whispering voice, this affected me alot and still is right now. People are still teasing me about my voice, and knowing that this is my real voice from now on really hurts. I sound like a man, even though I've had 20+ surgeries for this at Childrens Hospital. My Uncle is still sexually abusing me for about 5 years so far, touching me in inappropriate places and fingering me. Everytime he does that stuff to me, I tell him not to and jerk away but then his reply is "what? cmon babe". The grossest thing is that he has a wife and a 2 year old son. I told my mom about this last year and she didn't believe me. I seriously couldn't believe it, she would believe her own brother-in-law than her own 13 year old daughter!! My father is both physically and verbally abusive, if I don't do something right he would yell at me and slap me since he is usually drunk all the time, and I take it while my mom just watches and does nothing. I'm the oldest sibling of 3 children, my 6 year old sister even calls me "mom". The stuff I do at home, I think is too much from what a 13 year old child could do such as; 2 loads of laundry a day, dishes, vacuuming the whole house, and helping my siblings with there homework...I sadly don't have time for myself. I don't love, my parents told me that there job is to provide money for us. Here and then I get a flash back from the past, I think I was about 8 and I remember my dad yelling at me, drunk, and holding a knife, he punched me in the stomach and thats all I remember. My schooling is doing horrible. Most of the marks I get are B's and C+'s and when I get this my dad slaps me across the face telling me I should do better but he just doesn't see what I do. The kids in highschool tease me all the time since I am a very quite shy girl, because I have bags under my eyes all the time (from no sleep) and because sometimes they see bruises on me. No friends at school, which means no one to talk to, no one will care anyways. I'm spoiled, I'm lazy, I'm a bitch, cunt, whore..., there's nothing good about me. I tried committing suicide twice by taking pills, but both was a failure. Though, I drink alcohol behind my parents back since there is always some laying around, and tried weed.

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