I am also 63 years old. Went through severe depression about 5 years ago. If I had ended it all, I wouldn’t have the joy in knowing my new grandchild. I followed the steps on this web sight and I’m certainly glad I did. I feel your pain, I hope you can find your way out. No one can do it for you. I’m off all medication and still experience sadness and disparities but those times do not last. I am cheering you on my peaceful home in Tulsa. Don’t forget to do your light therapy. Journaling helped me, Keep moving forward, you may find joy in your life next year.