9yrs-Back from Sin City

by joseph z
(Pudenville, Mi, )

I recently, moved back to Michigan from Las Vegas, to change my surroundings. I can sense the relief, and have the support my mother & step-father. I've been back(in MI.) for two weeks, looking for work-I really can't call it a career change, yet-I just need to get working earning an income to show my appreciation for their help. Most of my depression, I think comes from being around a negative work environment; as a poker dealer for roughly, 17yrs, being college educated and never knowing what direction to go in. The money was always enough to survive on, but my initial reasons for pursuing that kind of work was to get independent of my natural Father. He was a manic-depressive(so, it runs genetically in the family)and I, was very much dependent on him growing-up. Most everybody, especially my Mother, says, "let it go". But the confusion & anger on my end, comes from not having outlets to discuss these things as I was growing up around him. He past, Sept. 2004, that's when I really started considering reconnecting with family. And, then one thing lead to another, & I just could not handle being alone, out west with no family, or friends(Vegas very unfriendly, if you didn't bring them with you & your apprehensive to know what addictions they have) my age that could relate. Besides, I never felt comfortable as a Poker dealer and had problems, from the beginning(out west-early,1999 to April,2008)at Bellagio(2yrs) and after that experience,tagged as having emotional problems & anger issues at every other place I worked. There is along story to this, but the short-one,is that I feel I was forced out of the Poker industry, relieved after I accepted, but now I don't where to start over. They pressed all your buttons and made me feel-isolated, paranoid, alone-pretty much tried to drive me crazy. For 3yrs & 8 months at Sunset Station, I was on-call with a limited set schedule(2-3 days set, 2 on-call)and never knowing what you were walking into. Anyway, I could go-on, but now I'm on medication, 60mg of Cymbalta, feel safe back in MI., with loving support from my parents as stated above; the change has done me good. I welcome counseling, but need to find a job with benefits, to cover it. I've really changed thru these experiences, but am looking for safe outlets to find direction. That's why, I've taken the chance of sharing my brief story with you. Thank you, for your open invite to write. Looking forward to your feedback and possible contacts that could help.

Sincerely, Joseph T. Z

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