Allergies and depression, being poor.

by James
(Jefferson City, TN. U.S.)

I have been out of work for two years, after giving up my CDL license because I could not stay alert when driving. Well, No-body wants to hire me, this story kind of twists about a bit...I have been suffering from allergies (When I was young I used to get a bunch of shots, everyday for awhile, then eventually they stopped) as far back as I remember, and also depression, I was not diagnosed with depression, not until many years later. Because of the depression, I also have low self esteem, which in turn has led to feelings of failure so intense I have developed a fear of trying at all. My family says they did not give up on me, but in effects it is the same, I know I am loved, that does help, but my feeling of doing what is right makes me feel even worse, I cannot contribute anything anymore, it is not fun. I am homeless now, I do have a roof over my head but only because of others kindness, I am not on the lease, and I spend my whole day trying to find work, I have allergies that give me runny nose, which further complicates things, my head feel like a balloon most of the time, and I cannot afford medical treatment, I have little choice over foods, I have to eat what is given to me. I am stuck in a loop that I really believe is escapable. I keep trying even against odds that seem to great to overcome, much of the time I just feel dumb, lazy, but I get up and keep trying even though all the jobs I apply for never call me back, I assume it is because I give the impression of being nervous, because I am, it is not the way I think I am, but that is what I portray. Even this statement here is really difficult for me to finish, or stay on topic. It is so frustrating. I have tried drugs, (pot, speed, cocaine anti-depressants, fortunately I never got addicted to anything), but they just made matters worse, so I went clean, and still the same problems, well, without drug side effects. Benadryl works but leaves me dopy. Lets see, I am really trying to make a statement here but am having a lot of difficulty focusing. My eyes burn slightly, my head feels like a balloon. I do still believe there is hope, I am capable, but my body hurts all over, I have the want to keep busy, but it is a struggle that wears me out, just trying to do simple things wheres me out. Doing anything like composing, or making music, practicing, or riding a bike, going to a gym, all these are things I one to do, I am very active, inside, but the effort of doing ANYTHING is so difficult, as I get older the harder this is becoming. I am trying to isolate foods, but I know that I am allergic to both mold and house dust, ragweed, etc. I am still searching for a solution, so that is why I post. I do know that when I am not suffering from allergies I am capable, full of energy and very positive. Even now, I stay as upbeat as I can, but it is not entirely in my control, as far as I know, I do not know about so much that it is probable that I have either overlooked or do not know about treatments of strategies that will work. Thanks for this site, it is very informative. Feel free to edit this post! I know I ramble.

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Mar 31, 2013
I don't have the answers
by: Pam Borum

but I see you are going through a very difficult time in your life. I too can see myself in some of what you say but not all. I doubt allergies are my problem, but there should be someone to help you in your area. I have no idea where or what country you live in.

Healthcare is essential for you it seems. I am hopeful you find someone to help you at no cost. This way they would be helping one individual that is worthy of helping because I feel you will make a difference in someone's life once you find your cure.

I understand how you feel you are rambling, but I did keep up with what you were saying. My depression has me confused some days and I ramble too. I find a connection with your words and a deep compassion to your "temporary" situation. You know it is temporary, but don't give up hope in finding healthcare. Don't be afraid to ask for help. Who are we if we can't help another in need unless we haven't been able to help ourselves.

You have a lot to offer, but take any offerings with the way they were offered, with love. Find compassionate people, find group therapy groups, speak up, be heard, and know you are worth every single bit of help you are receiving and then some.

Pam - Oklahoma USA
Here is my blog if you want to read my working through these steps.

It is mostly a journal of my days, since days pass in a blink of an eye, and days turn into months..but I am not going to let my depression rip a whole year from me. Good luck to you!

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