Depression Desert Island
I've been trying to work out how to survive as comfortably as I can on this desert island for some time now. Over five years would you believe? This Island of ever re-occuring depression, and soul-destroying fatigue and inadequacy. My depression feels like living on a desert island because it is so hard to truly make people understand - health professionals, and even other depression sufferers, because we experience it each a little differently. It can make you feel so alone when there just aren't words to truly communicate what you are experiencing. You almost feel unreachable at times.
On my particular Island, there is quick sand just EVERYWHERE, so I have to keep moving or I'll sink into the depths of hideous negative thinking patterns, or unanswerable questions. I'm exhausted, but I can't find solid ground to rest on. That is, I can't find a way to function that will allow me to just rest - the more I try to find a way to think, or be that might be the key to being well, the more questions and doubts seem to fill my mind. A symptom of mental illness I'm told, ruminating, and it's exhausting! Anxiety and worry also seem to be part of this way of life. Does anybody else feel anxious but somehow unable to put their finger on what exactly they're anxious about?
I'm guessing it was a case of ignoring my navigation system, which told me to live a healthy lifestyle which ship-wrecked me in the beginning.
Though it often seems there is every chance I won't be found on this Island, (becoming well) I'm trying to work out how to keep functioning and surviving - because I have hope. And I have faith. I'm so hoping this website could be my rescue ship (thanks for caring enough to build it!) so I can be healthy for my husband and three precious preschool aged children. And if not, then I still have faith that my God can use this for my good, and even for the good of my family. I'm sure it could teach them things like tolerance and compassion. I'd sure love to be back on the mainland with them though!
Thank you for sharing. You sound like a wonderfully creative person and I encourage you to allow you to express your emotions through your creativity somehow (if you don't already). I did that through painting and writing.
I'm glad you found us and I pass on hope to you as you journey through the cure depression research with your doctor and a counselor! If you don't have a counselor, feel free to take advantage of one our online counselors from the comfort of your home. Thanks again for sharing with us.
There is hope! You are worth it!
Merri Ellen :)
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