faith struggle

I've lived with major depression for years. Ups and downs. Right now I still struggle with finding the right meds. Getting frustrated that nothing will ever work for me. I have such dark days lately that I look at the internet about suicide. I wouldn't do it. I don't think. No I wouldn't. Yuck. But I feel so terrible and cry til there are no more tears. I wake up the next day with a puffy face and headache. I wonder about my faith in God. Sometimes it gets scary to admit how close I am to not believing in the Bible any more. I feel like God is gone sometimes.

Other days. Though rare - I feel great! Perfect! Healthy! Nice!

Weird. Who is the real me? Sad or elated.

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