1. Think of the top 3 people you see most often during the week. Are they positive people or pessimistic people? Do they give you a glimpse of hope and joy or do they squash it all?
*** My husband-over the last 8 years of our marriage I have finally opened my eyes to how NEGATIVE he is. We both work from our home offices so he is CONSTANTLY around. I have been through the Midwest Center for Anxiety & Depression which has been a big help through the last 4 years helping me with my ups and downs. I've been on antidepressants off and on for years and have been trying to do it the 'healthy' way now. But my last pregnancy I had postpartum depression and Lexapro after a couple months I got off of them and had a great 2 years then I hit a MAJOR brick wall full of terrifying anxiety and mild depression. The last 2.5 years I have "clawed" my way out of it naturally although it was the toughest thing I've had to do in my life and I still have some mental scaring from it but I am now 5 months pregnant and feel managable but still have some anxious moments especially about worrying about the safety/life/death of my 4 year old and also the looming threat of postpartum depression again with the 2nd child. I hear of women committing suicide or hurting their children and it scares me to death that I could possibly do that too if I dont get this worrying under control, plus knowing that the hormone rise/decline right after child birth makes me feel like out of my control in a way. So I've been refusing antidepressants with my gyno. but as of today she said it would be best to go on something that was 'safe' and keep taking after baby comes and then eventually ween off...so I dont have to worry or suffer from post partum depression. After long talks with my husband the negativity has decressed a lot, which is sooo nice. And he is on board with helping more with 2nd child and letting me get my rest. My sister has offered to come for a week and help. I will now ask for as much help this time!! :)
My sister and mother are major cheerleaders for me- I love them - they have suffered and are on Effexor (for years) but unfortunately are afraid to go off b/c the withdraws have been so horrible in the past, plus they seem to have no major side effects***
2. Where do you want to see yourself after being depression free? What do you want to be doing with your life?
*** I want to be athletic, energetic, healthy, and doing all kinds of activities with my children. I want to be a strong roll model for confidence/self esteem and eliminate self pity. I want to enjoy my career as a designer without feeling guilt about how my children are doing every minute of the day. ***
3. As you think about your depression, what do you think it may be teaching you about yourself?
*** that I try to show confidence on outside but inside I am really insecure and lack faith in myself...strangely everyone around me has great confidence in my talents****
4. What or who makes you angry?
*** My husband can be insecure and can be a bit suffocating, although he is showing improvement as I heal he heals indirectly. I could use his help with our son more. And I wish he would drink less. He's not a mean drunk, I just think it's non-productive and unhealthy. Also my hands/feet sweat a lot and I'm always trying to find a cure, and it really effects my career ability when facing other professionals like shaking hands and working on computer***
5. What or who makes you sad?
*** Death, stories of death on tv or elsewhere. Thoughts of someone hurting my child or death of child. Or thoughts of am I a good enough parent.***
6. What or who brings you joy?
*** Feeling mentally balanced. Enjoying some drinks & food with family and friends. Laying in bed with my child and staring into each other eyes, hugs & kisses. Watching my child get excited about things ***
7. What’s one thing, after reading our 6 steps report, that you do not do in your life and you want to start doing this week? (You can skip this question if you haven't yet read our report.)
** still reading your report ***
Thank you for this opportunity to share. If you have any comments about my survey, especially about number one above please feel free to email me. I'd love to hear your comments. I feel I'm a self help junkie and could probably write my own book on it all from cognitive to nutrition/exercise to hormones but I still feel a small piece is missing and it still causes me discomfort.
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