My name is Sophia, Im 15 years old, and Im depressed..
I decided to write about my experience because I heard it would help, and Im not much of a writer so bear with me!
I first realised there was something wrong with me when I got excluded from school, it was my first day back after going on holiday and my my aunt (who I live with) was furious!. When we got in I went up to my room and I can remember starting to cry , which was unusual for me because I hardly ever get that upset. After like 45min of constant crying I got my small mirror and smashed it. That was the first time I cut my self. Cutting was never something that Ive thought about or considered, it just happend, and helped for a while. Then every day since then I was depressed and was cutting almost twice a day. Tbis went on for a couple of months. It was so frusting becauuse I couldnt understand why I was that way, and the more I thought about it the worse it got. The worst part was not being able to talk to anyone, I wanted yo but I didnt want people to think I was weird or anything so I just left it.
A while later things got better and I was feeling unusually happy and full of energy, which I have never felt before because before being sad all the time my mood was always normal. I was constantly looking for a good time and starting drinking alot more, and taking drugs for the first time. Its not something Im proud of of I just started doing things without thinking. I also lost alot of sleeep I would sleep for like 4 hours a night, I was buzzing all of the time.
This went on for a couple of weeks, then I came crashing down. This time it was worse and lasted much longer, I started not wanting to do anything and I would spend all of my free time in bed or just staying in. All of my thoughts were negative and I felt so helpless and alone, there was no one for me to talk to. Then one day at school we were getting changed for PE and my friend noticed the cuts on my wrist. She was questioning me all day, so I decided yo just tell her. I knew she wouldnt judge me because she has experienced the sam kibd of thing. At first I was devastated that I told her, it was my forbidden secret!. But it did get easier and we would talk about things, and it definitely helped. My mood changed AGAIN and I was back to being happy. It was pretty much the same as before - drinking, drugs, and being irresponsible. At the time I thought this behaviour was normal and it was the depression that wasnt. Thats when I was approached by the same friend that knew I.was depressed.she told me she was worried about me and if I didnt stop the the things I was doing then she would tell my aunti. I decided to stay away from her because she couldnt be trusted. It is now January and Im depressed again, I really dont know what this is and it is effecting my home life, friendships and school. Ive barely eaten in two weeks or slept.
I have written this because Im hoping someone will read and will understand what Im going through, so if you do please comment, it would really help.
Sophia thank you for sharing. Please do not hide from those who love you and want to help you. Please speak with perhaps a school counselor and explain you need some one to lead you on a right path. Start there. Do not suffer in silence.
Carefully go through my e-course that outlines the medical research which helped me defeat depression 6 years ago. I took it to my doctor to help me apply. Simply visit www.cure-your-depression.com for more info. It is info I discovered after reading medical journals for myself. If you have not yet, I encourage you to connect with your doctor and a counsellor to walk with you along the way. Again, start with a school counselor.
You may also enjoy online free mentoring through the www.thoughts-about-god.com website which I partner with because of the hope it brings to thousands all over the world.
There is hope! You are worth it!
Merri Ellen :)
Join in and write your own page! It's easy to do. How? Simply click here to return to What does your depression look like?.