Really about to lose it
I had a baby 7 months ago and ever since I was pregnant I dont know how to handle everything. After my daughter was born I felt alright, I was excited to have her in my life, yes i felt a little bit of the baby blues but I thought it would pass. I'm the only one working in my home, my husband stays home with her while I'm working but lately I think my feelings have been getting worse. I don't want to tell my doctors about it because I want to try and deal with it myself, no medications, and no one judging me for the thoughts I've been having. I dont feel like my husband or my daughter need or want me around anymore. I cry myself to sleep almost everynight. I have tried to talk to my husband about how I'm feeling but when I cry, he doesnt' know how to handle it, so he leaves, or ignores it, or does something else like watch tv, or goes on the internet because he was never brought up around people that cry. I never used to cry, even when things got really bad in my life, I wouldn't do it, but now I want to cry over everything. On top of that, my husband doesn't want to have a physical relationship with me. I've gained some weight since I had my daughter and I think that might have something to do with it. I feel totally worthless, like their lives would be better off without me, because I've been having outbursts and getting angry and crying more and more lately. I need help because I actually contemplated buying a gun for the last 5 months and today, I really wanted to do it. I feel like if I were dead I wouldnt' feel like this and I wouldn't continue to hurt the people around me. I think I may have let this go on too long and there's not turning back.
Sam, you must talk to your doctor and let her know about your mood. You are most likely deficient in Omega 3 fatty acids which happens during pregnancy in order to grow your baby's brain. Your baby draws this from your own brain if your diet is low in Omega 3s. Don't try to deal with this on your own. If you've been thinking about buying a gun, this should tell you that you are not able to deal with it on your own. Tell someone immediately about how you've been feeling.
You must take this step and talk to your doctor.