by Holly (19)
(One reader's doubting comments with Merri Ellen's encouraging remarks at the bottom...)
I?m sorry but I find this a complete heap of rubbish. I understand that you were depressed and then you got 'better'. And if I had the ability to care at all, I would think it was great that you are trying to help people. I don?t know if it?s just me or if there is a culture clash here. But really, I don?t get the whole 'if you just believe' thing that you?ve got going on. I mean my nephew believes in Santa clause - that doesn?t make him real. I believed that talking about my feelings with a councillor would help me feel better, it didn?t.
This is going to sound quite harsh and possibly offensive so I understand if you don?t want to put it up. But quite frankly I don?t care anymore. I used to be nice, but now I?m just tired. Too tired to care if I upset people, or sound like a bitch. Too tired to spend the time trying to find the polite way of saying things rather than telling them the way they are.
I don?t think depression can be cured. I think it can be monitored and kept in check but the idea of it being cured does not make sense to me. I once asked a question about whether it was possible to be born with depression and, well, I wasn?t very impressed with the answer I got (thanks for taking the time all the same) You said that my depression could have been caused by my mother?s diet when she was pregnant with me, by the diet my family had when I was growing up. This sounds so ridiculous it almost made me laugh (I didn?t of course, I haven?t laughed for years) My mum is the most health conscious person I have ever met, she doesn?t smoke, she doesn?t drink, and she has an insanely healthy diet. One that she made sure we shared as a family. Even if that wasn?t so, the idea that a mental illness could be caused solely by what you eat just seems impossible to me. And after all, that is what real depression is.
You say that everything can be fixed by some herbal remedies and positive thinking but if it was as easy as that no one would be depressed. I tried the positive thinking thing for a while. I would say positive things to myself in my head. Assure myself that I could do something or that I was worth something. But thinking and believing are two completely different things. I stopped eventually when after months I hadn?t felt the slightest bit of change. Looking back now I can see that no matter how much I thought positive thoughts, no matter how much I told myself that I believed them, I didn?t believe them. I didn?t feel positive. I just felt like a tit for trying. It?s not just positive thinking either. I don?t believe in anything. I never believed in Santa or the tooth fairy when I was little no matter how many times people told me they were real. I don?t believe in love at first sight. I dont believe in god. I would like to believe in god as it seems to give people such a sense of comfort etc. But I don?t. If you ask me things like this, things like the way we think, our depression, sexuality, whether we believe in god or not is as uncontrollable as the colour of our skin, or the place we are born in. I think that we are a certain way and that nothing short of drastic measures will ever change that, all we can do is try to cope. I think that is what is missing in people with depression. The ability to cope.
I read the post that someone else left, about Real depression and how the steps in your programme might be good for mildly depressed people but for people with real depression etc etc. and I think they are right. How can someone who can do nothing but lie in bed all day wishing they were dead be expected to do exercise, or go out and buy some expensive fancy foods and then restrict themselves to a strict diet when many people with depression lose there appetites completely and are lucky if they feel hungry enough to eat anything at all. I don?t know the circumstances of the other people who have used your programme and found that it ?cured? them but from the posts on the website it sounds to me like the vast majority of them are suffering from mild-moderate depression, if they are actually clinically depressed at all. Real medical clinical depression is much different from just having the blues for a few weeks and no offence to these people, but I have absolutely no sympathy for them. ?Boo hoo poor me, I haven?t felt happy in a whole month there must be something very wrong with me. ?They should try living their whole lives without happiness, see how bad they feel then.
Thanks for sharing Holly. :) I understand your frustration. I've certainly been there.
There are many reasons for depression and this research is the collective and extensive research of the medical journals. It's like casting a wide net and trying one step at a time in search for an answer to your specific cause of depression.
I understand your lack of hope and lack of trust. Yet, like so many others, making one step at a time could lead you closer. I hope you choose to walk closer Holly.
Perhaps reading the testimonials will encourage you. Cling to others' hopeful stories and one day yours may be there too. :)