She is a lost cause.

by Lee
(Canada)

What does depression look like? It is a woman who avoids stepping outside of her house. She dreads visitors to her home. She feels like she has lost the ability to make her own choices and people she loves force their decisions on her and she doesn't say much. She has lost the ability to be there for her family and simple household chores are totally overwhelming. She loves a clean and orderly home and is extremely embarrassed most of the time because it is not so. It is overwhelming to have friends or family come visit. There is no joy in the forced social interaction. She puts on a brave smile and plays the part well. She has always been able to hide it in the past because to be depressed is to be weak and worthless. Friends and family say chin up and look the other way because they don't know how to deal with her sadness, her inability to find work, her heavy and negative attitude lately. As much as she has tried to hide the depression, forcing herself to smile and participate when she just doesn't feel like it, it is better that then to try to explain the pain and extreme sadness inside that is always there. When she stops and thinks why do I feel this way, a hopelessness and a helplessness so powerful envelopes her and she becomes paralyzed with despair. She stays in bed and can't get up and wishes she were dead. She cries for hours or days, till her face is swollen and eyes are red and dry. It takes days to find the strength to set up a doctors appointment and she dreads the visit. So difficult to reveal that she is weak and doesn't want to go on anymore when she has so much to be thankful for. She told the doctor, but the doctor ignored her and told her she was fine. See, she is so good at hiding it that even her doctor doesn't believe her. She is so embarrassed to admit that she needs help. She is trying hard to eat better and trying to exercise, but then she stops and can not get started again after just a week of it. She is at her ropes end and knows no one is going to help her if she doesn't begin to help herself. but how..........

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Jun 12, 2013
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Still Improving
by: Leona

I'm feeling better but I still have many issues to work out. The depression and fear is still with me but I talk to myself like I am a loving parent or friend who gives firm advice with love and acceptance. I read many books trying to find that secret formula for happiness. It seems that stopping to be thankful for all the good things in my life will open me up for more good things to happen. I am trying to be more aware of my thinking and how my life will be what I believe it to be. My thinking is a powerful force in my life. If I believe bad things will happen, then that is all I will notice and believe is happening. If I believe good things will happen for me, then I will have a happier focus on life and chances are that more good things will happen. Our minds are powerful. Our thoughts shape how we experience our lives. I try to be more positive because I need more good things to happen. When my cruel little inside voice starts beating me up, I put a stop to it by repeating the opposite to myself. If my inner voice says "you are nothing but a lazy bum" I stop it and say "No I'm not, I'm a hard worker and I have built my own house with my own hands, that's not a lazy person" (true story) I don't know how I ever got on such a negative self destructive path, but I am counter messaging this negative little monster inside of me. I am still trying to figure it all out. I'm trying to over come a very negative childhood. I need to remind myself that I am a miracle, I am a child of God, I deserve to be happy and there is a place in this world for me too. I can make this world a better place and helping just one person feel better makes all this pain worth it.

May 23, 2013
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Response for Leona
by: Pam MC

Very happy to hear from you again. It seems our state of mind is nearly at the same place. On April 6, I found a web site regarding a "pray rain" journal. I did exactly what it said to do, and sure enough, the perfect job came my way and other things I was very grateful for.

Once I started working, the depression I had put on the back burner starts surrounding me again. I work, then once I am home, I fall into my bed fearing I may never be able to get up and go to work again, but then I do.

I realized now, I have not visited my pray rain journal since I started back to work. I may have missed a dose of supplements here and there also. May have had too much fast food.

I should revisit my steps to cure your depression and work them into my life.

Regarding the pray rain journal, I didn't buy the book but the excerpt and reviews will tell you what you need to know. For me, it just took brainstorming, but said in a concise presence and being way. "Pray Rain"...not pray for rain. You just to be to become, but we need our sub conscience to know what we are so we can be.

I do not have a way with words, so my writing may sound too far out there, but I can tell you wholeheartedly, I never had so many strange "good" coincidences within the first week of writing in that journal each night.

Also, I need to follow your lead in exercising. It is no coincidence, I have had many people express this lately and now you are boasting its benefits.

I hope if you decide to do anything that has worked for me, you will let me know what happens. I need to be a believer again.

Pam

May 23, 2013
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Still Climbing
by: Leona (aka Lee)

It has been about four months since I first followed "cure your depression". Moving (walking), Eating better (counting my calories, and reading many books on self esteem has been slowly lifting me. I am still very resigned to never having the life I want. I coach myself daily trying to lift my confidence in myself. I'm not really sure why I'm such a negative thinker, but I have been working on my attitude. I wish I had more faith in my abilities and didn't have such a fear of failure. The biggest thing that has improved my depression is exercise (just simple walking). I believe that as you gain control over your body weight, you also can feel your spirit healing with your body. We all must learn to take better care of our physical selves because our spirits need a healthy vessel. I'm not crying much anymore. I just need to be more hopeful that things will go my way for a change. I believe in a higher power and pray that I God will guide me to a place of work that I find enjoyable and fulfilling. I pray for a place to work where my fellow employees are kind and helpful. I can not take any more cruelty from this world, I need a break. I'm suddenly very tired, need to rest for awhile.

Mar 25, 2013
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Oh Leona, so happy to hear from you!
by: Pam Borum

I believe we may just be talking between ourselves. Does it say when that post was originally posted? I don't catch everything, or remember it all lately. I have however, been stunned at some of the good things to have happened. I was up all day on Saturday! Not to say Sunday was great, but hey, today is Monday and I have a new cat! I just picked him up. I left the best cat ever with my soon to be ex. I have had a lot of mourning to do over so many losses. I believe it was necessary, but why does it take me so long?

This is what I have been doing. I have been trying to force down almonds, dried fruit, whole wheat bread w/gouda and american, grilled in coconut oil, then spread with tomato pesto and basil pesto.

I have gotten out of bed and walked around the neighborhood.

I started a blog so I won't call my ex so much. If you would like to read it, be my guest.

http://takeanotherlittlepieceofmyart.blogspot.com/

I adopted a cat for 20 dollars. Money is scarce for me at this time since I am not working. I am happier with this little cat in my lap, laying in bed typing this as I have been in seven months.

I believe the connection with you here is another reason I am lifted tonight. I dread nights, it is when I cry most often. Daytime too though, I get down to the depths of my soul (if there is such a place but I guess I need to call it something)

I am taking the omega 3's and magnesium. I believe there is hope yet. I really think things will get better. When I feel this way, (which happened the other night too, I thought I AM CURED! It is such a change from a week ago. I do loose track of time. Leona, I am so critical of myself too, and have come to this realization these past months. I have been trying the cognitive behavior thing, where I say an affirmation to alleviate the deep down seeded critical self. I don't know if this is working, I have been doing that one for about a month now. I hear it may take longer than that to let your subconscious accept that change from you. It is like programming for the soul.

I am going to address the journaling in my blog tonight. I have a reason I think journaling is not good for me.

It will be great to follow your progress and have someone to climb this mountain of depression beside me.

Thanks for posting. You put the night over the edge for me, I can see what it will feel like when I am through with this mess. It is certainly worth going through what we need to do to get to the top!

Pam in Oklahoma via Missouri

Mar 25, 2013
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Hey there is hope,
by: Leona

I told you how I felt, so hopeless, so sad, wishing to die but knowing it would hurt so many people if I was selfish enough to do it. The advice in these pages, exercise, eat cleaner, get some sunshine or light in your life, journal your feelings so the ugly pain has some place to land. Drink 8 cups of water...all so simple but did you do any of it. These simple steps if you are not trying them, its like going and getting a prescription from your doctor then not taking the pills. Honestly just put on some music and step in place or dance a little. Exercise, just a little will help you start to heal. I felt hopeless and moving took everything in me to do. I was in so much pain I had to give it a try even though I didn't believe it would help. IT HELPED. I'm still dealing with it. I have been reading and discovered that as a shy person I have this horrible internal voice that beats me up all the time. My inner voice that I have never realized was my constant criticizing companion is brutal. I'm so mean to myself and I'm not sure why. I'm feeling better, I've lost 10 pounds from the walking exercise I have been doing every day with my DVD. I'm eating better, not perfect but better and that is really making a difference in how I feel too. I found sugar and white bread give me head aches and nasty mood swings. Probably from the sugar high then low. I have had days when I feel like tackling something that I've been putting off, like cleaning the basement. Imagine, having the energy to do that. I feels so good afterwards when things are tidy and clean. I try to stay in the present and bad memories are put in a shoe box in my mind and put on the top shelf in the closet. Just an image in my mind that helps me to put away those horrible past memories that keep me lost in the past. Remember the past can not be changed and the future has not happened. Just be in the moment, the now, and take one little thing at a time. I'm thankful for my cup of hot tea. Thankful for the little things. Its all I can deal with right now. That's enough for now. I can feel myself healing, feeling better. You can too, but only you can do it for yourself. I hope you find your path out of your depression. I hope you move, breath, appreciate until you feel the healing. Please let me know how you are doing. I know how difficult that first step is.....please take it!!!

Mar 24, 2013
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I need to hear too!
by: Pam Borum

My compassion for you had to be the great connection I felt to your eloquent words. As Leona' post mentioned, we just started and we need to know we can do it. To see others fail, it scares me and probably Leona too. I'm just speculating and I hope I am not offending or putting words onto someones' identity. The depression has been so profoundly hideous, and if we are both new to this sight, maybe we have it in us to not continue to climb too. We just need to know if Lee and the feb poster has tried and stumbled too. We want this to be the cure so badly, we can taste it. Maybe we are giving ourselves false hope. I could hear the desperation in your words, Leona. I knew your compassion for her, but above all, it is difficult to get above our pain to give. We also need to receive at this time. I certainly hope someone will see this and respond, because I am holding onto this silver thread and I don't know how thin it is.
I really hope the best for each of you on this thread. I feel a connection, maybe grasping at straws again, but I really feel like reaching out, but have no one to turn to. Depression is a lonely ugly place.
Pam

Mar 03, 2013
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Don't Just Read About It!
by: Leona

I want to share some of the small steps. I'm feeling a little better. You will read it and read it and read it, but it never sinks in. So begin in small, non fail steps. Myself I bought a $5 DVD by Leslie Sansone, a walk in home video. I found a book she wrote in the local second hand shop for $2. I put the video in and I stepped in place along with Leslie and her group of walkers. I committed myself and wrote on my calendar my plan to walk everyday with Leslie. All you do is normal walking in place and do it almost everyday. This is called exercise. You don't have to buy expensive exercise equipment. Just move and you won't believe how your body will begin to heal you. Its your choice to move or not to, and you are in total control. Its amazing how this simple choice will change your life in less than a week. Don't just read about it, do it and start today. Exercise will help your mind begin to heal itself and lift you out of depression. I have begun. Please do this for yourself, and tell me about it. I need to hear from you, I need to know if this is helping you too. I'm starting to feel better. Next I'm going to try to find a way to resist those fast food burgers and eat some veggies and fruit. Please I need your feedback. How are you doing? Depression hurts and I want to stop hurting.

Feb 27, 2013
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WELL SAID
by: Anonymous

Well said and this is the plight of every depressive soul.Think positively, smile are the common comments made by the so called mentally healthy persons.I cannot suggest a remedy out of it as I am also sailing in the same boat.
Take care

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