I'm now 23 years old and have struggled with depression since I was 17. My focus for the last five years was finishing college, something I am very pleased to say I am about to accomplish. However, it has been a significant struggle every step of the way. These days my life seems to be ruled by my depression. It is a struggle to get out of bed in the morning, and even when I do manage to my days are spent in a daze. I basically spend my days counting the minutes until I can climb back into bed and start to fall asleep, which at this point is the only part of my life that I truly enjoy. Knowing that my constant awareness of how sad I feel will be put on hold for 10 or 12 hours while I am unconscious is the only part of my day that I do not find unbearable.
I have never quite been able to articulate just how my depression feels, but the best I can explain it is that I always feel terribly homesick, even though I am home. I waver between feeling sad but hopeful and hopelessly sad. I keep thinking that I can find a way to beat this, but so far I haven't been able to.
I've seen a therapist and psychiatrist since coming to terms with my problem, but haven't benefited from doing either. I am now trying to make some significant changes in the way I live my life. I really believe that getting out of this stage of my life is within my grasp and I am praying that I can find the strength and wisdom to do so.
Join in and write your own page! It's easy to do. How? Simply click here to return to What does your depression look like?.