I am 32 years old, and as long as i can remember i have been depressed. I am a mother of two boys, age twelve and seven, I am also a single mother and this is biggest part of the reason why i am still feeling depressed. Somehow I think that i should not children, don't get me wrong i love my boys but there's a side to it i can't explain.
Growing up I hated my mother because I thought she was the reason for us not having a better life. She was never happy. I cant remember her laughing much, she never told us she loved us or anything.
Now that I have children of my own, even though i treat my kids different from the way my mother treated my sisters and me, it's like a part of me understood what she was going through.
People hardly use the words depression back then, we use to just think that people who display this behavior just plain did not love their children.
It took me years to understand that life comes with struggles, and for the bunch of us who made it through the hard times without that word added {DEPRESSION} to your birth paper say thank god. I am still not at the road where i am free of making things bug me to the point where i can't eat or sleep properly, but I'm trying to get there. My boyfriend tries so hard o help me but its not working. I am now thinking medication before things get out of hand. I am now at the point where I'm thinking I'm better off death. Hope my life will get better soon.


Hi Kizzy,

Thanks for sharing. I can relate. You see, I never saw myself with children of my own; despite working with kids all my life since I was nine.

Growing up, I remember causing my mom lots of frustration. My poor mom! Once I married I figured, if we had children, it would be payback time and so I avoided motherhood like the plague. So for me, becoming a mother was a difficult thing for me. With the help of friends and family and reading God’s Word, I slowly discovered that God had a different plan for me than what I originally thought. I had to let go and let God lead when, after seven years of marriage, I discovered I was pregnant. “How do I do this?” I thought.

“Trust in the LORD with all your heart
and lean not on your own understanding;

in all your ways acknowledge him,
and he will make your paths straight." - Prov 3:5,6

I have recognized that God simply asks us to trust Him in all things and when we do that, He provides for us in leaps and bounds. For me those leaps and bounds are currently two boys at home just like you.

God has asked me as a mom to continue to trust in Him and to pass on His Word to my children.

“Love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength. These commandments that I give you today are to be upon your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up.” -Deut 6:5-7

If God can give me direction, He can give every mom direction when she seeks and trusts in Him in her parenting. Ask Him for help and direction and He will guide you and show you how to be the best mom for your growing boys!

There is hope! You are worth it! Your boys need you!

Merri Ellen

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